21022012

Was studying hard, trying not to feel stress at the same time
Really did it during the weekend
Thanks to the relaxing simple and easy trip during the weekend
Now im on the bed doing the same thing
What freaks me out is that suddenly i walked into the toilet
Not small or big business, but just standing inside staring at the wall
Realized i was doing it after a few seconds
I didnt want to pee nor poop, why am i here?
Is there any unconscious meaning of toilet within me?

-wil-
how will it end up to be?

Dedication?

my friend suddenly sent me this link
at first i see, oh i've seen this post last time, nothing la..
but after a moment, i decided to re-read it..
know what? it really touches me..
an unconditioned support that i needed so much after a period of extremely down time

thank you Lim Sana

the fatty whitey who randomly had a note of "肥猪肉好肥" on her phone last time

what a GOOD way to control herself from eating fat

i shall be fat like her to be healthy (for me)

-wil-
feel much better





oooh

OH MY GAWD!

it's valentine's day pulak!

Happy Valentine's Day lor although it's canceled

Happy Forever Alone too <3

=)
as shown in the first line, today is quite a positive day for me
had well utilized my day in this saturday
Although it's a morning replacement class, coz i slept at 11+pm the nite before (it's been so long i hvn sleep this early),this morning is a full of energy
The class was not bad
i can say this subject is the best selection i've made despite last sem i made a very wrong decision
What's make me feel the best in this day is actually the night..
Not coz the party is well organize or fun but more on my personal cognition processes

we even played musical chair! HAHA!

not so sure why im so happy
but one of the reason might be coz i could freely display my naughty side without caring about others' judgment
not much people i know there but i just feel something that makes me feel good
you know, living in this world, people tend to unconsciously setting expectation on others from behavior
from a finding in class this morning, we found out what stresses us, men, the most is..
which is competence
normally it's kind of stressful for me coz i feel everyone is comparing me with other friends
and i can see they are seeing him/them as superior while im the opposite or so-called follower.. from the behavior
what i did, how i display myself and the end product.. are always used to compared with people from my surrounding
maybe it's caused by my decreasing in self-esteem? =( 
so, in the party, their response on my craps are much satisfied compared to my other days when they just ignore, angry, or beh song and COMPARE
i just hate trapping in a competitive mind and world

lost the mood of continuing after 1 day saving in draft lol

-wil-
finally found my way of grabbing true joy but hard to achieve.. haiz..

inception

5 hours sleep after 26 hours of waking period

it's damn syok, a nice deep sleep under a raining evening/night

what's funny is my time messed up quite a moment

in a short period, i'm not conscious about where am i, what was i doing before sleep, what am i suppose to do after that

but reality is still reality, as long u're living with human in a house, sure someone will stop you from your dreamland

most important thing that i want to share is an insight from my dream

in the middle of a nice dream, suddenly a phrase from "inception" came into my mind

"in a dream, you'll not realize how you end up in the place until you start to think of it"

and so, in this dream, i really get to think of it

hooolaa! i realize i wasn't in real world, it's a dream!

finally i did it! finding out what's happening is actually a dream, in a dream..

come to think of it, even in "real life"
(for those who studied psychology, just forget about what hera taught us for awhile)
do you ever think of how you land on this place, this world?
what's your earliest memory of you in this world?
how do you end up here?
if you can't remember, would you say the so-called real life is actually a dream?
it's sort of make sense i guess..
because at times, we couldn't control what's happening around us, just like dreams
all we can do is just run with the flow and not knowing what is coming
people might be good to you this moment and betray you at the other second
what you can do is just.. haih..
even if we tried to control, results is just two, good dream or nightmare (wet dreams also can =P)
so does it mean death is the true waking up and not what is discussed?
an interesting topic to think of more..

happy holiday =)

-wil-
who to find?